Gaining Perspective May 2025
A client was recounting how she’d got herself ready for her first session with me – in her own words, ‘I need to know what to expect, so that I can prepare’. She’d initially asked a lot of questions – what was my approach, what were my credentials, what was the room like, could she take notes, could she leave if she felt uncomfortable, did I provide filtered water….
I was surprised, so took a breath, and realised I’d a choice in how to feel, react, and where to focus. An initial reaction might have been ‘oh, this client is rather picky, is she scared, maybe she wants to be in control, perhaps she’s used to being in a position of power, I wonder how our work together is going to be like?
And heck! Am I enough, are my credentials enough, is the room up to an expected standard, how do I feel about her taking notes, should I actually be providing filtered water?’
I checked in with what I was feeling, and made a few notes for myself, including putting a course I’d been interested in for some time on the *Doing* List rather than the *Thinking-About* List. And I took stock because I realised that the way in which I was hearing her questions was narrowing my perspective about someone who I hadn’t even met!
I meet clients where they are; that’s where the ‘safe space’ comes in. I always endeavour to be curious and interested, rather than making assumptions*. It’s more than ‘keeping an open mind’, rather it’s sitting with that client with whatever they’re feeling. And ‘holding the mirror’, so that they can see more clearly what’s going on for them.
*If we keep a problem between our ears, we can’t hear it, and it can reverberate and intensify. If we keep it behind our eyes, we can’t see it. But when we speak it, or when we write it down, the energy changes, we get better perspective, and we can then do something about what’s causing us distress or pain.*
So, how did the sessions with that particular client go? Gladly, well, and in-depth, we agreed. She was able to expand her perspective about behaviours (her own, and also her response to those of other people). She continues to be able to give herself increased space and choice, and re-position or in/decrease her grip so that she can hold people, situations, and behaviours, more appropriately.
Tears were shed, and laughter was shared, and she became more able to bring balance and perspective to her life.
*and if I do make assumptions, I check out why, and what I can do about that. Like everyone else, I’m a work in progress!
My client has given me full permission to share.
